


Like Thelma and Louise

by green_hambience



Category: DR. SEUSS - Works, Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon), Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Briefcase Buddies, Classic Cars, Crimes & Criminals, First Kiss, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Oneshot, Partners in Crime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22676701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_hambience/pseuds/green_hambience
Summary: Sam and Guy were on the run, they had driven all the way from Meepville to Glurfsburg outrunning the cops within an inch of their life.This was their last stand.
Relationships: Guy Am I & Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham), Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37





	Like Thelma and Louise

In the early morning a roofless teal Cadillac could be seen kicking up dust out in the Glurfsburg desert. 

Their getaway had been clean. Guy had busted Sam out of a holding cell under the cover of night without much trouble and without any witnesses. But they weren’t out of the woods just yet.

As the car rolled to a stop at a substantial distance between them and one of the great canyons the Glurfsburg desert was known for, reality was setting in for Sam-I-Am. 

He had dragged an innocent man into his schemes and had also somehow manipulated him into rescuing his sorry behind. Guy was in the driver's seat beside him, trying to catch his breath and suppress fits of laughter as they came on. Sam failed to see the humor in any of this.

He turned to face the tangerine knox with a bleak expression and quietly asked “Why did you come back for me?”

Guy didn’t respond to him. He instead ran a fuzzy hand over his face and started pointing towards the vista in front of them.

“Now would you look at that, isn't that the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen?”

The inventor hadn’t been wrong. Warm streaks of sunlight were peeking from underneath blue clouds and gently waking up the desert. The deep terracotta rocks of the canyon now partially painted red while the minimal desert flora remained as hazy shadows over the horizon.

It was beautiful.

But Sam-I-Am couldn't care less about that right now.

“You could have gone back to Meepville and forgotten this ever even happened!” He grieved. ”I lied to you, put you in danger and held you hostage for almost a week. You’re innocent Guy, so why would you come back for me?”

The knox stopped chuckling but didn’t turn his head away from the view as the who demanded he explain himself.

After a moment he watches Guy scrunch his face up and growl, “I hated working for Snerz.”

That wasn’t what the thief expected to hear.

“Come again?”

“I said I yipping hated working for Snerz!” He erupted.

“It took nearly 10 years of my life to convince them I was worthy of being the Snerzco lead inventor. And for what? So that I could invent gizmo’s that would replace all the real bean-counters and pencil-pushers and he could cut costs?!”

Guy turned towards him with an incredulous expression.

“You thought that you were keeping me hostage? I have at least three feet on you Sam, I could have left whenever I wanted to”.

“But I was armed?” The confused felon countered, but the knox wasn’t having it.

“Oh get over it, I knew from the minute I met you that you wouldn't hurt a flea.”

The short who knew that wasn’t true, he just never had any intention of hurting Guy. This still wasn’t adding up.

“Then why did you stay with me? You could have just left Snerzco, you didn’t need me for that”. Sam asked almost exasperated.

Guy paused to let out a deep sigh,

“I was ready to quit inventing for good before I met you.” He confessed. “But you made me feel like my ideas were still worth something. Being with you showed me that inventing could still be fun and exhilarating.It’s been a long time since I felt like what I was doing actually mattered and I have you to thank for that.”

The who’s demeanor softened. He didn’t think he had made such a big impact on the knox in the short time that they had known each other. He nodded as the inventor went on.

“I wasn't looking for a way out of Snerzco, I was looking for a way to make him pay. Snerz took the best years of my life, treated everyone he ever met like a doormat and got away with it just because he was in charge! I wanted nothing more than for that horrible little man to get what he deserved.”

His eyes flicker downward, “but I was scared of him too.” He confides.

Guy puts a warm hand on Sam's shoulder and held his gaze as he continues, “You came in and exposed Snerz for the fraud he is and then also had the guts to rob him blind. What was I supposed to do, not help you? Not make sure you were alright?” 

“I came back because I don't think I can do this without you. Hell, I don’t want to do this without you by my side Sam.” He insisted with a small smile.

On the inside the little conman was a mess. This had never happened before. His clients didn’t stick around or care if he was okay as long as he completed the job he was hired for. And the people he had tried to befriend along the way had all ended up leaving him one way or another. So to hear that Guy not only cared for his wellbeing but also thought he was brave made him want to jump for joy. 

As Sam opened his mouth to express his gratitude his opportunity was cut short. A noise that had until now been a hum in the background turned into a cacophony as a helicopter rose out of the ravine in front of them. 

“BACK UP, BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP-” Sam yelled as he tried to jerk the wheel.

“I’M TRYING.”

Guy swiftly put the car in reverse, attempting to pull out and drive away. But as the helicopter flew overhead and the dust settled around them they realized that the cops had caught up to them. Squad car after squad car driving up to the space ahead of them. Whos, bumbles and seussians alike getting out of their vehicles and surveying what the two delinquents were going to do next.

Their luck had run out, this was the end of the line. The thief cursed himself for not paying more attention to his surroundings and glanced over to see how the knox was coping.

To his surprise it seemed like he hadn’t given up and was steering them back towards the canyon again.

He put the car in park, took a deep breath and asked, “Do you want to keep going?” Trying hard to keep his voice steady

“Go where?!” Sam was frantic at this point. “We're completely surrounded!” 

As Guy gestured his chin towards the gulch in front of them his blood ran cold. He couldn’t possibly be serious. The gap was too wide, even with all the luck in the world they wouldn't clear that jump.

“The way I see it we’ve got two options.” The knox cut through his dismay. “We either turn ourselves in right now or we don’t, so I’ll ask you again.”

“Do you want to keep going?”

Sam looked at him. Really looked at him. He knew Guy hadn’t rested in days. His fur was a disheveled mess, his scowl lines looked as if they had been etched even deeper into his face due to the lack of sleep and the constant barrage of danger they’d been facing. But his eyes were begging Sam to say yes. To believe that he’d get them out of here safe and sound if he just gave him the chance.

In the short time the who had known him, he’d cared more about his well-being than any person ever had in his entire life. Guy had been kind to him, even in times when he definitely did not deserve it. He now understood that he trusted the clementine knox with his whole heart. So even with his body screaming at him to flee, it felt easy for him to say,

“I do”. 

“Good.” He said, the tension slipping from his shoulders as he jumped into action. “You make sure you and the money are strapped in tight.” 

The cops behind them were getting impatient, now aggressively repeating their demands for the duo to get out of their vehicle and turn themselves in. 

As Sam turned back to put on his own seat belt he noticed switches and a lever near the dashboard that had definitely not been there before he got arrested. He figured that the inventor most likely used their time apart to do some tinkering of his own. The short who was silently enamored by the knoxes tenacity. 

Guy seemed determined as he faced the felon again.

“Are you ready to go?”

Sam was ready all right. Ready to pass out. But before he did he decided this might be his last chance to do something he’d been daydreaming about ever since he met the bold, handsome knox.

“Almost.” He said as he yanked Guy in for a kiss. 

It only lasted a moment. Their teeth clinking together in a desperate attempt to get close, but as they melted into it it felt exactly as sweet and messy as the bent who had hoped for.

The thief held both of his hands up in the air as they parted.

“F-for good luck?” He stuttered, inwardly cursing himself for lying.

Guy’s awe just melted into endearment as he shifted into first gear and floored the gas pedal.

“Of course.”

And they were off.

The inventor acted fast. His foot was buried deep on the gas, intent only waning to shift gears. He took his hands off the steering wheel to flip the recently installed switches one by one. After that he slotted the rod into 6th gear, then pulled the new lever tightly backwards and waited. 

His brown stovepipe blew away with the speeds they were reaching but Sam quickly snatched it out of the air and held onto it tightly as well as his own hat. 

They were now driving dangerously close to the edge and the knox still had not let go of the lever.

Sam was about to yank the yipping thing himself when Guy let go, releasing an incredible force from underneath that propelled their car forwards and upwards.

As they soared through the sky the world around them seemed to slow down. The velocity of the jump had made both passengers float in their seats. For a moment they both felt weightless.

Then they made contact. 

The Cadillac skidded out of control before rolling backwards, brakes unable to keep them in place. They had reached the other side of the gulch but were hanging nearly halfway over the ledge. Guy quickly shifted back into first gear and hit the gas once more. Their vehicle huffed and puffed and then slowly but surely brought them back over the brim of the canyon.

Their terrified screams now dissolved into relieved laughter as they realized they had made it by the skin of their teeth. 

The cops were still behind them. Sirens blaring and their brakes squealing when they met the fringe of the ravine. 

Sam couldn’t help but let out a holler as they sped off into the desert.

After taking a second to see if all their limbs were still attached, the who asked “So where are we off to now, CB?” The adrenaline still pumping through his body.

The inventor glanced over at him with a content smile, “Crime buddy, really?” The thief nodded with vigor.

“...Or boyfriend.” His mind supplied effortlessly.

“I heard Solla Sallew is great this time of year.” Guy responded. “But it’s going to take a while to get there”.

Sam handed the knox his trusty stovepipe and tipped his own red hat over his eyes as he tried to relax into his seat. “Sounds like a plan, lead the way partner!”

**Author's Note:**

> This story is heavily based on the final scene of the movie Thelma and Louise like the title might suggest. 
> 
> I have some more fics in the works so stick around if you liked this one!
> 
> This is my first fanfic, if you have any suggestions or feedback on my writing I would be happy to hear it.
> 
> Special thanks to @lustylop on tumblr for inspiring me by talking about her AU where our heroes are both criminals on the run in chat! :-D


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